People Are Boring

There. I said it. For some reason I was lost for a while in an almost overwhelming desire to find everyone interesting but I’ve come to realize that there’s a difference between beauty and interest.

People ARE Beautiful

My thoughts on beauty could warrant a whole discussion itself. There are a lot of subtleties from beauty through scarcity (snow for a Floridian vs. snow for somebody in Alaska, as a potential example) to beauty through awe to so many other mechanisms. In all cases though I think they can be understood. After all to think something is beautiful is nothing but a reaction in the brain and the stimulation leading to that reaction can be – in theory – discovered and analyzed.

Of course, the most beautiful things are the ones where the theory is not so easy. The mundane becomes magical simply because we don’t know the why.

When it comes to people I think it suffices to say that the fact everyone is an individual is enough to make them beautiful. The sheer immensity of existence a single human being carries – a past, a future, dreams, hopes, pain, despair, joy, sorrow – makes a human life beautiful. Everything you find beautiful in your own life exists in another person’s life.

This is my take on people, anyway.

Beautiful =/= Interesting

The thing about beauty is that it can be understood.

Keep in mind that I am using “beauty” here in the manner I described it earlier. I’m sure there may be some subtleties of abstractness I am leaving out. And of course carry on to have a little bit more detail added to what I mean by “beauty” here.

Take this, for example:

World Rally Championship (WRC) is something I find beautiful and interesting. The beauty of it is something I could explain to you:

• pushing the limits of human skill and endurance
• scenic locations and conditions of racing
• cool cars and cool moves
• adrenaline

Now my thought is that you may not be particularly interested in these specific traits but the core characteristics you can translate to another arena. Perhaps, for example, the adrenaline and pushing of skill and endurance is something you see in rock climbing. Or perhaps in dancing (if Dancing with the Stars has taught me anything, it’s that while people learn dance routines, they will fall often and also have emotional conflicts that are resolved conveniently for the final performance). Thus you can see that WRC is beautiful. That ain’t no guarantee you’ll find it interesting though. (Another example: I find NASCAR beautiful, but entirely uninteresting.)

That’s actually a good example I think. Let’s compare. Why do I find NASCAR beautiful?:

• pushing the limits of human skill and endurance
• cool cars and cool moves (I mean come on, drafting? That’s fluid mechanics right there!)
• adrenaline

Still, I don’t find it interesting at all.

Perhaps a better example would be the Mona Lisa.

This piece of art is arguably universally accepted to be beautiful. You might be thinking, “But Benny, I think it’s interesting because of the things that make it beautiful!” I’d argue that’s just a semantics issue – what you’re calling “interesting” is what I’m calling “beauty.”

Frankly, while I can understand the subtle features of this work that people find alluring and the history behind it and all that jazz I’m just not interested in the Mona Lisa.

What IS interesting then?

Think of people you find superficially attractive. Now think of the subset of that you want to spend time with extensively (ideally on the order of marriage).

That’s the best analogy for the interplay between beauty and interest I have. Maybe.

There are some implications here. For something to be interesting it seems like it must be beautiful. In this world I’ve created where beauty does not equal interesting, it also goes hand in hand that without beauty there can no interest.

Let’s think for a second. Can something be interesting but not beautiful? In other words, could you want to marry a girl if she has no qualities you find beautiful? This goes deeper than the previous example with attractive people (and keep in mind I am using a male, heterosexual viewpoint – adjust for that as necessary in your own mind). Physical qualities certainly fall under qualities you find beautiful, but so does the ability to hold a conversation. In my mind I can think of many girls I can hold conversations with and I’m cognizant of the attractiveness of that quality. However, I am drawn to certain types of conversations more than others.

In short, in my world, to be interesting you must be beautiful but being beautiful does not mean you are interesting.

One note: I’m using interesting here in a much more “heavy” sense than just simply saying, “Oh, yeah that’s interesting” in a dismissive way. It may have been better to use the word “attractive” in this context but I prefer the word interesting. And we are talking about my perception after all.

Well, if it’s just my perception, what’s the big deal?

Ah so now you’re wondering what the whole point in all this talk was if I was just going to pull the whole, “Well, this is my perception so you can’t exactly disprove it” type argument.

Here’s the thing: that’s not entirely true. If you’re going to give me a better perspective according to what I want to achieve (happiness in particular) I will adjust my perception.

Similarly, if you have a less than perfect perception for what you want to achieve here is a way to think about it. Or a stepping stone to developing your own perception based on your needs.

You can be wrong though. Don’t hurt anyone else, for example.

In all actuality you and I probably have the same thoughts. I use the word “beauty” and “interesting” but as I briefly mentioned earlier, especially with the latter, it’s the wording I use. You may be using different words for the same idea. Take a minute to think about that so we don’t get into any needless debate, though I would certainly be curious to see what words you use.

The Point of All of This

If you’ve read this far, congratulations! You get to find out what I’m trying to say.

The core of the thought process here is that understanding your instinctive drives will help you work with it and change it as necessary. Beauty is defined by society, but what you find interesting is personal.

The distinction offers two notable benefits:

• You can accept others’ points of views based on the idea that what they find interesting and what you find interesting are both beautiful, and you can compare the interests to find the core beauty values that link them.
• You can understand why you find things interesting and make informed decisions about pursuing interests of all sorts.

So basically I’m saying you can be a better person than you are now. If you aren’t already doing this, you should be in some form. And if you are, increase your awareness of it and keep developing. Maybe we can come to an even better paradigm in the future.

The Weight of Uncertainty

What is the problem? I don’t know what to do!

Life is good. If you see me nitpicking at aspects of my life don’t think otherwise. I’m fully cognizant of fortune I have been bestowed. However I am not one to remain content because I would rather work to improve rather than stagnate.

To that extent it’s unclear as to which direction I should proceed. My commitments include my job as an engineer, my membership of the band Sonic Groove, and tutoring a high school student in Geo/Trig. My desires are diverse and include learning to draw, continuing to write more pieces, meeting new people, and experiencing new things. If I’m more focused I can efficiently direct the energy I have into a few things. However, with a diverse set of interests and commitments I am starting to feel stretched thin and unsure of which ones to focus on.

Questions of the status quo aside (why do we need a job anyway?), the inability to decide for sure what to pursue starts to take its toll and I’m noticing it crop up as idleness. Do I want to accomplish more goals in the video game, try to cook a new dish, or clean up the kitchen? All three are useful and/or desirable to me. If I try to do all three not much gets done in each category. I could focus on one but then what happens to the others? I can’t choose and end up sitting around doing nothing as a result.

How am I trying to solve it? Well, this is a start…

To really figure out what I want to do I need to find some time to take a step back and put myself in an entirely new context for perspective. Thanksgiving is coming up and the days off it affords will hopefully give me a chance to do that. There’s also this – as I mentioned before in my musings about what blogging does for me, writing and trying to convey my thoughts is a catalyst for understanding what’s going on in my head.

I have a sneaking suspicion that while most of my life is going well there are certain aspects that I’m struggling with and that looms over the good parts. For example, making friends in the “real world” is difficult and the social void is a drain of energy.

Another drain is trying to cater to an audience that likely doesn’t exist. I came into this blog with the idea of becoming successful at some point. I tried to mimic what the popular blogs did. You know what? That’s just not me. While there’s definitely room for development, change, and growth… the way most popular blogs just work is not something that works for me.

And thus, my personality comes out.

I need to nurture the parts of me that give me energy. If I’m going to keep writing in the blog, it needs to be what I think. This isn’t my job, so I’m not going to treat it like it.

What exactly does that mean? Well you’ll probably start seeing my analytical side come out more. I sit and think a lot. You’ll also see some of my rougher edges. For example, there are a lot of things in this world that just piss me off, as you may have gotten a glimpse of when I ranted about drivers in Salem. To be frank at this rate a lot of my posts will probably come off as angry.

Of course, the other thing you could see is engineering. I tend to suppress that because it’s not “cool” to talk about it. But you know… it’s me. And if it doesn’t fly with somebody reading it’s no skin off my shoulders.

And yet a part of me yearns for popularity, for fame, for everything that could be considered superficial indicators of success. My humanity can’t be contained in the confines of any of my life circumstances. I dream big, I crave big, I need more! More more more! But what exactly do I want?

This is where I sigh. And then sigh again.

Salem Drivers: Get your act together!

This may be a problem common to all drivers in Virginia, or perhaps even the whole United States but it is FRUSTRATING and more importantly DANGEROUS.

STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE!

Far too often while going around blind curves have I encountered an oncoming vehicle encroaching my lane (going in the opposite direction) by a foot or so, jerking back into the proper lane at the last minute to avoid a collision.

Have you perchance seen the colorful lines on the road?:

They are not there for decoration. They are not rough guidelines. They are not a waste of time.

When you see lanes marked clearly like that you stay in your own lane! I know the sky can be pretty or there’s an attractive person walking on the sidewalk or you have an important call to make but none of that justifies risking your life and the lives of others.

Listen, if you’re in my lane, there’s not much I can do short of driving off the road into a sign or a building to avoid hitting you. And I’ll be honest I don’t want to wreck my car.

I also don’t want to see you hit that truck coming around the bend because you didn’t see it and you were also halfway into the wrong lane.

Please pay attention to where you are driving and make sure you stay in your own lane. I am putting my faith in you just as you are putting your faith in me so don’t let me down. I am trusting you with my life, so this is pretty damn important.

It’s really not that hard.

A New Focus to Blogging

I’ve spent considerable amounts of time deciding what I wanted to get out of blogging. The thought process lead me to ask questions like “What exactly is the role of blogging in my life and the lives of others?” and “Does my voice even matter?” After much thought I think I’ve settled on some answers that work for me.

What is the role of blogging in my life?

To be honest I have delusions of grandeur about blogging. There are a number of resources that cultivate the idea that any blogger can become an internet phenomenon, achieving fame and fortune in one fell swoop. The truth is mundane, however, and without joining the circle jerk that is blog optimization I either have to be famous outside of the blog originally or have insight into a niche that relatively few others have access to for sharing. It takes time and effort and nothing can fully develop overnight.

Neither describe me very well.

For me, blogging has come to be an avenue of self-development and introspection. Through writing content I learn, grow, and use words that I don’t get to use frequently as an engineer. When I sit down and write about games I am playing, such as my impressions of Warhammer 40k: Space Marine or my experiences with choice in games, I am taking a passive enjoyment of video games and making it active. Through this process I have teased out what I like and dislike about video games, allowing me to do things like focus on the aspects I do like while being able to determine if any flaws in a game are deal-breakers for me. I engage myself with my passion of gaming by criticizing the industry, analyzing games, and looking to the future. There’s never a stale day as a result.

Blogging also provides new perspectives. Because the nature of the beast is to be public I take time to consider what other people might think of what I blog. This takes me out of my shoes and into others’ shoes, seeing my thoughts with an angle I personally may not have. On top of that I have people who leave comments with thoughts that may not have crossed my mind at all. Taken together my ability to mature myself improves every time I go through the experience of blogging.

What is the role of blogging in the lives of others?
Does my voice even matter?

I think the simplest answer for both questions is that readers will answer this for me. If people find my words to be appealing they will come to the blog and seek more. If they do not, they will not. That’s all there is to it.

As long as I am benefiting from this endeavor it will hold value for me and I can continue without feeling as if I’m wasting my time.

What does this mean for this blog?

I have thoughts occasionally of halting this blog and doing something else. What kept the blog alive was the uncertainty in the “something else” I’d be doing. Now, with some thinking behind it, I can say the blog has positive value to me and I will continue writing for it.

Interestingly, in this re-imagining of blogging as something very personal I find that a lot of successful blogging tips still apply. For example, one of the most popular tips for blogs that I’ve seen is to write often. I think that’s also useful for me because when I go long stretches of time without blogging I find I’ve spent less time processing what’s been happening in my life. Like keeping a journal for some, blogging slows things down and helps me deal with things in life.

You’ll definitely see more from me and I hope it’s entertaining and useful for you.

If you’re a blogger, what are your answers to these questions? If you’re not a blogger, is there anything else in your life that plays this part in your life?

Warhammer 40k: Space Marine Demo Impressions

DOES THE DEMO MAKE ME WANT TO GET THE GAME? YES, YES, YES!

Relative to how long the Warhammer 40k series has been around in its various format I am a late entry to the series. But my what a great time I’ve chosen to get into it.

It all began with Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War II a few years ago. Pretty soon I’d gotten absorbed into the lore of the world when I stumbled onto the Lexicanum. I ‘m now completely enamored of the world created by Warhammer 40k and its constant warfare.

The first thing I looked for is if the feel of the Warhammer 40k world is captured in this new game. The answer, in my opinion, is a resounding yes. The bleak world is captured in the art of the game, oozing off of every bit of architecture. As combat picks up blood splatters everywhere, the Ultramarine captain you play as mowing down enemies with no mercy. On the harder difficulties you must be wary of your health and the enemies around you but if you really just want to have some fun, turn the difficulty down and you’ll mow down orks in authentic Astartes fashion (Astartes = space marine).

The gameplay itself is fluid and fun. Combat – arguably the most important part of the game – makes sense. Your character moves as you’d expect a hulking space marine to move and fights with the strength of the power armor he wears. The health system encourages fighting where you recover health by performing execution moves or activating Fury mode. To achieve either you must be in the midst of battle killing your enemies.

At any point you can hit your right mouse button to activate your chain sword. It’s very handy for when you get surrounded by enemies and in my opinion a lot of fun in general. You also have other options – the bolt pistol, the standard bolter, and the game’s equivalent of a sniper rifle and a grenade launcher. To be honest I haven’t quite figured out how the grenade launcher works. The other weapons are extremely satisfying to use, however. I particularly like the bolter – if melee combat ever gets tiresome I can hang back a bit and mow down foes. Headshots in particular are satisfying.

If there’s any doubt I’d have for the actual game it’d be what I just mentioned here. It’s all combat and the demo’s two levels were very combat heavy. I didn’t get too much of the plot through the demo so I can’t speak for how compelling the narrative is. On the other hand the jump pack mission was pretty nice. It was an exciting addition to the combat though I can’t speak for how the full game would be like.

 

Of course, taking all of that into account I think the game is worth every penny. My feeling is that it won’t be something you will remember forever but that you can come back to it time and time again to crush Orks and other enemies. For a fan of the series (such as myself) this is a must-have game. For someone who is just getting into the series perhaps wait for a price drop but I think if you’re into action games you’d really like it. Warhammer 40k: Space Marine knows what it is doing, and it does it amazingly well.

Having a Tablet PC Post-School

For my studies I obtained (with the help of my generous parents) a HP TouchSmart TX2z tablet:

During school, even with all its supposed drawbacks (see here if you need some examples), this computer served me well and I took many a set of notes for class with it.

I’ve graduated now, however, and I don’t take notes anymore. What more can I do with it? I’ve tried keeping a journal with it but if I’m at a computer then the temptation to type is large, especially when you can use Notepad as a very useful, private journaling tool. I’ve tried using it as an engineering brainstorming device but it’s easier to use CAD software or pencil and paper where I can use devices like a ruler or a protractor. I’ve even tried learning to draw on it but software that can use the pressure-sensitive screen is expensive and even then the control is not as great as with say, paper and colored pencil/crayon/markers/paint/etc.

At this point I’m at a loss for what I can do with it. Maybe I should just sell it so that I can use the funds to purchase a better laptop that doesn’t have important features that I will never use. I could effectively trade the tablet capability for a laptop that can watch videos without stuttering or maybe even play games.

That sounds like a lot more work than I’m interested in at the moment though – do any of you readers out there have any idea what I can do with a Tablet PC?

The Secrets of Sleep

I’ve struggled with sleep for a long time and for a while I thought all sorts of things were wrong with me. However, partly due to increased pressure from having a full-time job, I finally made a breakthrough that made sleep so much more enjoyable.

What follows is a collection of things I’ve found that helped me and some thoughts I’ve had that solved the issue.

1. Follow the Body’s Sleep Cycles – Sleep in Multiples of 1.5 Hours

It’s generally common knowledge that an average human “should” get 8 hours of sleep. However, would you believe that getting less sleep could be even better?

Now, let me clarify – it’s not getting less sleep that makes it better but being able to work with how your body sleeps. The main issue to avoid is waking up when you’re in the middle of a sleep cycle. From what I can find the average sleep cycle is 90 minutes. 8 hours will wake you up right in the middle of the sixth cycle. After doing the 8 hour thing for a long time and then switching to being conscious of the 90 minute cycles the difference was immediately noticeable.

The nail in the coffin for me was this weekend actually where I went to bed without setting an alarm. I woke up the first time after approximately 6 hours and then decided that I wanted to sleep some more. I woke up – again, naturally – 1.5 hours later. While this isn’t proof by any means the evidence is definitely in favor of the 90 minute sleep cycle.

I’ve been doing better now on 6 and occasionally 7.5 hours of sleep than I have trying to get as close to 8 as possible.

2. Don’t Snooze

Snoozing is bad for two reasons. The first is the inherent risk of sleepily turning off your alarm or sleeping beyond the critical point for being ready for work/school/whatever. The second reason is that even if you sleep for another 5 or 10 minutes, that could have you sinking into deep sleep and waking up from that would actually make you more tired. Avoid snoozing at all costs!

3. Don’t Treat Sleep Like a Chore You Don’t Want to Do

I tend to approach sleep like a chore, like something I’d rather not be doing. However, sleep is vital to many bodily functions related to recovering from your day. Are you a student looking to learn your material better? You need sleep! Are you a man or woman looking to become more fit? You need sleep! Are you a human being? You need sleep! Wikipedia does a pretty decent job summarizing the important functions of sleep.

It’s tough to adjust a mindset but adjusting the mindset with respect to sleep is so rewarding! In my case I went from setting an alarm for 8.5 hours of bedtime, getting approximately 8 hours of sleep including the time to get to bed, and then more often than not falling back asleep for another hour or so and rushing to get ready and get to work on time. In college my sleep schedule was even worse. Now however I’ve been doing pretty well with 6 hours of sleep. I’ve had more energy for work and have been able to do more in the day.

I think my sleep issues have been fixed! If something changes in the near future I’ll let you know, but if you’re having sleep issues I hope that this helps!

Of course, if you’re having serious problems, always check with a medical professional. I’m only going from Google and personal experience.

Dungeon Siege 3 Demo Impressions

Back in the day I LOVED Dungeon Siege. In my experience Dungeon Siege is game of epic proportions about a great adventure with RPG elements and tactical elements as well. For whatever reason I just never got Dungeon Siege 2 so I figured I could try out Dungeon Siege 3 and see if I can recapture my enjoyment of the Dungeon Siege series.

The first thing I noticed is that the graphics are pretty decent. The characters are modeled well and the effects are nice to look at. The fire though looks very artificial to me for some reason and that stood out to me. Also, I had pretty frequent issues with trying to figure out where the path was going. Often there’d be ramps to the next part of the cave or the woods but it’d be difficult to tell it apart from the normal level ground. Maybe the environments will be varied enough in the full game to avoid that issue becoming a nuisance but if there are going to be a lot of caves or dark areas, that could be a huge problem. That aside, while nothing about the graphical quality and arty style wowed me, nothing struck me as particularly bad either.

Dungeon Siege 3 plays much more like a 3rd person action game rather than an RPG along the lines of Diablo, which is what I remember Dungeon Siege for. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just not what I expected. However I did have trouble with the combat system. The fighting itself looks flashy and powerful. Each character gets 2 stances for different situations and it felt useful. In each stance the characters have only one combo, though with the abilities chained together a sense of variety is created. The targeting system is extremely clunky in my opinion. I tried to change targets in mid combat but more often than not the target did not change until it was defeated, even if I’m suddenly far away because of an ability of being knocked down.

Ah! Something I didn’t mention as noticing first off the bat is that you can pick from 1 of 2 characters to begin with. This is a drastic departure from what I remember the series for. The character development within the game is also much more structured. I can’t develop a ranged character starting as the melee character, for example, if I decide I wanted to change strategy. This type of character progression simplifies advancement but also takes what I consider fun out it. I enjoy planning out how best to advance my character to meet my mood at the moment. Sometimes I want to play the ranged character, and sometimes I want to be the bruiser. Heck, maybe I can even double up as a fighter/healer or ranger/healer. One of my favorite parts of Dungeon Siege is the party system where I can hand-craft a team.

After watching some trailers, particularly this one:

It may be that I’m missing some controls that allow me to change targets quicker, and things like that. I’ll have to take another look at that but in the grand scheme of things the feel of the game just doesn’t suit me.

I have some minor thoughts on the save system and other parts of the game. However, my conclusion for Dungeon Siege 3 is to try it out and if you enjoy it, get it. If not, well no worries.

Personally, I’m going to check out Dungeon Siege 2 and see if it’s more along the lines of what I’m looking for.

Why do I get the feeling that games are becoming simpler and simpler to attract a broader audience? Great commercially, I’m sure, but what does it mean in terms of gameplay? Time will tell, I suppose.

Dorm Life vs. Apartment Life

vs.

Still fresh out of college and learning about the ways of the “real world” one of the biggest transitions is from dorm life to apartment life. After living a few weeks in an apartment I think I can safely say that even with the benefits of an apartment I’d take dorm life any day.

The biggest reason for preferring dorm life is probably because I’m very low key in terms of space. I knew people that filled up apartments even in college and I also knew people who had nearly nothing. I fit in the middle somewhere and I can fit everything I need to live in a dorm room, even with a room mate! Thus one of the biggest benefits of an apartment (all the increased space) is lost on me. In fact, I’m actually apprehensive about it. If I don’t need to fill up this space… what happens when that space actually gets filled up? I don’t want to have a bunch of things I don’t need lying around.

This becomes a big reason because the benefits of dorm life outweigh the benefits of an apartment as a result. If I had needed all the space for my necessities then it’d be worth it but given my nature, I find that dorm life allows me to be more social and just have a lot more fun in general. I’m close to my friends, my bathroom and hallway cleaning is taken care of, and a lot of useful places are close to me.

Of course, as life necessitates more space an apartment will definitely come in handy. I’m sure that some day my completely empty den will have a reason to exist, but until then I really miss life back in college. There are so many memories I could not have had if I’d lived in any other style of housing. Of course I also had the luxury of it – I could afford it thanks to my wonderful parents. I also never had a terrible roommate story. I’m sure some people got scared off of dorms thanks to the worst case scenarios that they could have experienced or have heard about, but for me I didn’t have any problems.

The differences between housing is of course a small part of the bigger picture. Soon enough I’ll write up a more holistic comparison between life in college and life as a working man. And if you happen to want a much more detailed comparison between a dorm and an apartment from my perspective, let me know.

Salem and the Livin’ is Easy

Well it’s not technically easy but I wanted to make a reference to one of my favorite songs, Summertime.

I’ve been in Salem a few days now and life’s been interesting.

The first thing that hit me is how beautiful the surroundings are. Salem is in the Roanoke Valley (if my understanding of the geography is correct) and surrounded by the Blue Ridge Mountains.

The mountains are actually prettier in person. I’ve taken a drive down parts of the Blue Ridge Parkway as well as looked around here and there and I can verify this. I love the scenery.

I’ve yet to interact with the people much. So far those I’ve had to talk to have been nice. I need to get around to creating a social network here for me but that’ll happen in time. In the mean time I’ve been enjoying time to myself and the adventure of creating life in an empty apartment.

Currently I’ve been able to set up what will become my engineering/game room (what I consider the most important room). I have furniture coming in Thursday so then my bedroom and living room will be set. The kitchen is the kitchen… I’ll have to learn to use it more before I can do anything with it, really.

I am excited. I am anxious. I’m a little scared. Let’s see where all this takes me!